Friday, July 4, 2008
TECHNOLOGY TANTRUMS
Technology sometimes gets on your nerves... count the number of times when you wanted anything electronic in nature to work for you. Now count the number of times, it didn't work for you, and you'll know what the clear winner is.... The number of times, a meeting has been postponed or canceled because the overhead projector has stopped working, or a laptop refused to get switched on even if threatened with permanent disfigurement, or if the power simply goes phut with the UPS in repair to boot. If you ever want to know how it feels to be happy and frustrated at the same time, walk into any of these boardroom meetings with a technology fiasco. i suppose the only other place you'll ever get to see these completely contradicting emotions are in the exam hall when you know you studied the answer, but simply cant remember it because you are too busy concentrating on the hot girl in front of you. I suppose even that is a kind of technology malfunction, because the brain is supposed to be the most complex machine in the universe. in such an eventuality, i suppose computer pundits would term it to be 'memory loss due to system overload'......
The funny part is these infernal contraptions from hell seem to have a weird knack for taking virtual holidays when you need their services. the 'user' becomes the 'usee' while the device is in a self imposed state of nirvana. it makes me wonder if whoever built these machines ever thought of putting in an emergency button. all you had to do is press it and voila! the thing fires up no matter whatever the hell it is doing.... sometimes i feel these booby trapped timeless time bombs have a life and bidding of their own. very like our government 'servants'. all they do is make us run around in circles giving everyone involved a migraine of the severest kind.
but this pointless vendetta of machine versus man does not end with routine junk like computers and calculators. they may happen in the most unlikely places. Imagine if the lady in the railway station announcing the arrival and departure of the trains starts announcing something very odd- like a "the bangalore to mysore train has just arrived on platform number $%#&". that'll make all the passengers run around like headless chickens hunting for platform number $%#&, and in the process halting at platform number !!!!!! and platform number &&&&& to see if it is actually $%#&.
but the actual wondrous part is that these messiahs of mechanical malnutrition start working at the weirdest provocations. consider a computer A with user B. Computer A decides that it has had enough with the typing tyranny of user B. so, it conveniently puts an error message:" the drive C:\windows is not able to start because of secondary hard drive failure with ATAPI adapter and PATAKI program". So user B goes to the nearest cyber cafe(which by the way is suffering from frequent bouts of crashing) and downloads the instructions to set right his uncooperative undertaker. he painstakingly follows the instructions to the letter and sees the message:"the drive C:\windows is STILL not able to start because of secondary hard drive failure with ATAPI adapter and PATAKI program". user B gets mad and does what all humans are very good at- aim one good kick at his arrogant adversary and presto! the computer is back on track! very like those pesky kids who had inflated egos!
in retrospect, all i have to say is that these contraptions behave a lot like government contraceptives. They may either work, or they may not. And a few days down the line,you may land up with something totally unexpected. and now, my monitor screen is flickering and wire wizards may perhaps feel that the thingamajig is not properly configured to suit the watchamacallit and needs a new whodunit. but as for me, i know for a fact that my computer does not like me banging on its keyboard like this......
Error: User temporarily electrocuted to prevent further lowering of dignity and status of said machine. please click on following link to get electrocuted if you DO NOT agree with afore mentioned system.CHEERS TO A NEW WORLD!!!!
The funny part is these infernal contraptions from hell seem to have a weird knack for taking virtual holidays when you need their services. the 'user' becomes the 'usee' while the device is in a self imposed state of nirvana. it makes me wonder if whoever built these machines ever thought of putting in an emergency button. all you had to do is press it and voila! the thing fires up no matter whatever the hell it is doing.... sometimes i feel these booby trapped timeless time bombs have a life and bidding of their own. very like our government 'servants'. all they do is make us run around in circles giving everyone involved a migraine of the severest kind.
but this pointless vendetta of machine versus man does not end with routine junk like computers and calculators. they may happen in the most unlikely places. Imagine if the lady in the railway station announcing the arrival and departure of the trains starts announcing something very odd- like a "the bangalore to mysore train has just arrived on platform number $%#&". that'll make all the passengers run around like headless chickens hunting for platform number $%#&, and in the process halting at platform number !!!!!! and platform number &&&&& to see if it is actually $%#&.
but the actual wondrous part is that these messiahs of mechanical malnutrition start working at the weirdest provocations. consider a computer A with user B. Computer A decides that it has had enough with the typing tyranny of user B. so, it conveniently puts an error message:" the drive C:\windows is not able to start because of secondary hard drive failure with ATAPI adapter and PATAKI program". So user B goes to the nearest cyber cafe(which by the way is suffering from frequent bouts of crashing) and downloads the instructions to set right his uncooperative undertaker. he painstakingly follows the instructions to the letter and sees the message:"the drive C:\windows is STILL not able to start because of secondary hard drive failure with ATAPI adapter and PATAKI program". user B gets mad and does what all humans are very good at- aim one good kick at his arrogant adversary and presto! the computer is back on track! very like those pesky kids who had inflated egos!
in retrospect, all i have to say is that these contraptions behave a lot like government contraceptives. They may either work, or they may not. And a few days down the line,you may land up with something totally unexpected. and now, my monitor screen is flickering and wire wizards may perhaps feel that the thingamajig is not properly configured to suit the watchamacallit and needs a new whodunit. but as for me, i know for a fact that my computer does not like me banging on its keyboard like this......
Error: User temporarily electrocuted to prevent further lowering of dignity and status of said machine. please click on following link to get electrocuted if you DO NOT agree with afore mentioned system.CHEERS TO A NEW WORLD!!!!
There are somethings money CAN buy...
For some reason i seem to be obsessed with this statement. There is nothing very extraordinary about this sentence. Remember those old preachy statements which told you money cant buy love, money cant buy sleep. money cant buy you god etc.. Lets go one step further and look at some things money CANT really buy us.1.Money cannot buy us useless junk mail and spam from unheard of companies and f(r)iends.2.Getting a virus on your computer which erases all data(including those naughty things you downloaded without anyone knowing...)3.money certainly cant buy us the experience of running out of petrol in the middle of nowhere.4.Money cannot buy you the amazing experience of getting caught while bunking by the principal.5.Money can buy you better results. Money cant buy you worse results.That is a job for VTU.6.Money can get you healthcare in a hospital.It cant get you a date with the hot nurse.7.Money can buy you condoms.It cannot buy you friends who punch holes in it.8.MoNEy CanNoT GeT You sCraPs LikE ThIs iN OrkUt9.Money can get your work done in government offices.What it cant do is get your homework done by you(sad.you cant bribe yourself)10.Money can take you to switzerland. It cannot create an avalanche and save the world(think tubelight,think)11.Money can get you a rotten tomato to throw at someone. money cannot get someone to throw tomatoes at you(It comes under social service.100% tax exemption)12.Money cannot get you a mother or a father. It can get you the shop uncle or aunty to act like them if the principal calls.13.Money certainly cannot buy me. An inexhaustible diamond mine can.14.Money cannot torture you into reading this blog. That is a job for jobless man.defender of joblessness and boredom(Guess who?)15.You are stupid.Just like me.(this is a message in the interval,nothing to do with the topic at hand)16.Money cannot buy you 'a' girlfriend. It can buy you lots of them.17. Money is like the system.The more you have,the more you are expected to have.It cannot buy you liberation.18.Money cannot buy you money.19.Money cannot buy you great friends.(No more comments.surprise.surprise)20.Lastly, money cant make you change who you are.The laws of the universe are inscrutable.In short, it means we are doomed.
And hell, if money is the root of all evil and people tell you to avoid it like the plague, why is it that there is a god for money??Think my dear friends, and if you felt inspired to get rid of your pocket money, contact me on naidu.bharath@gmail.com.
And hell, if money is the root of all evil and people tell you to avoid it like the plague, why is it that there is a god for money??Think my dear friends, and if you felt inspired to get rid of your pocket money, contact me on naidu.bharath@gmail.com.
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